Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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