I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
