i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
