And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
