What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
