Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
