I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
