You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
