your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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