I wish I could teleport
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
