ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
