I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Couch. On fire.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
