Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
