remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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