hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
