A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
