Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cat gives me a boner
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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