i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
