just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Enjoy the penises
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
