One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
