Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
