Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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