so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
