Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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