Farmville is her only friend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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