so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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