whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
