Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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