Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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