the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
