I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
