Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
