i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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