Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
