I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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