Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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