hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
