I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
