you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A bitchslap is in order.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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