Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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