dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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