I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
