I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
