My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
