who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
