Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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