If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
