I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
