I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
