happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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