I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How does one acquire holy water?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
