I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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