two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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