At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
