Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
