i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
