My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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