You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
