if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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