My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
